I can't get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful, but you don't even try
Modesty is just so hard to find.

The crisp breeze in the star-skied night ruffled the locks of his hair as Sam Ashford strolled along the Delray Beach shoreline. At this dimly lit hour of the night, hardly any tourists or residents flocked to the beach; peaceful as it may be, it was lonely just the same. Bits of sand brushed against the soft folds of his toes and with each pacing step, his feet carried him farther and farther away from Boca Raton. Curling his hands into fists, Sam's strides grew as his husky breaths came quicker.

Sam had been walking for a little bit over twenty minutes. Occasionally, he came to the beach to relinquish all thoughts , something a cigarette couldn't always cure. Lately, most of his thoughts incorporated hooking up with Grace, but something was holding him back, something strangely unusual for a guy of his status. Maybe part of the reason was that she had been his best friend for years and he felt...guilty violating her. This coming from the guy who had a threesome with two drunk girls?

Unclenching his fists, Sam ran his left palm through his windblown hair and slipped his cell phone out of the pockets of his Hot Topic dark jeans. He turned it on and scrolled through the contacts until Grace's name came up. He touched her name and glanced at the adorable picture he'd set as her contact photo. As he was about to touch the call button, his heart took control and he pocketed his iPhone. A lump in his throat formed and he swallowed it, his eyes coming to rest on the lighthouse he was approaching nearby.

A few thoughts caressed his mind and overwhelmed his entire body. Sam felt his hands trembling and he reached into the back pockets of his jeans for his pack of Marlboro Lights and lighter. He fingered a cigarette and lit it with his spare hand; taking a drag, he felt his body tremors slow. Taking a deep breath, he returned the lighter to his back pocket and continued walking, every now and then putting the cigarette to his lips. Hopefully, this would send the accursed thoughts of fucking Grace to the back of his mind. She's off-limits. He repeated, over and over in his head.

I can't get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful, but you don't even try
Modesty is just so hard to find.

The stillness of the night shattered with the sound of an unrecognizable voice traveling through the air and landing in Sam's eardrums. The voice was deep, unlike that of a female's and authority-lathered; although, unless the male was gay, he couldn't see why the person wasn't female. His eyes darted back and forth and he dropped the cigarette to the sandy earth, stomping it out raucously. He put his hands up in the air, figuring that the policewoman, or policeman for that matter, had come onto the beach at such a late hour at night just to catch him with a cigarette. Fucking cops. They always ruin everything, He thought angrily.

Sam's mind was scrambling for what to do in this pressurized situation. At first, he considered running like hell, but he decided that would only lead to further trouble; he might as well face the girl, or guy. He whirled around on his feet and bowed his head, "Alright, officer, just tell me what..." He jolted his head upwards to level his gaze with the cop, but his eyebrows raised in pure astonishment. "GRACE?!" His surprised reaction came out as a loud yell and quickly shifted into a hearty laugh. "Shit, you scared me! I thought you were the fucking cops!" A smile sauntered across his lips and he pulled Grace into a hug, her windblown hair tangling with his as he rested his head on her shoulder. "I've missed you," He said quietly.

I can't get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful, but you don't even try
Modesty is just so hard to find.

With a quick roll of his pupils, Sam left Grace to have her moment of laughter. He had to admit, as embarrassed as he was, the situation had been pretty funny. As he caressed Grace, he pulled her tightly into his chest and traced his thumb along her cheekbones. There was a slight twitch in his ever-lasting crooked smile, as if he expected something to come that made him a little uncomfortable.

As tender as the moment was when Grace's lips touched his, Sam wondered if she would find it distasteful to kiss him when he'd just been smoking. One curious, lone thought circled his brain and he felt the need to get it off his chest, so he pulled away from Grace and placed his hands atop her shoulders. "Grace..." He began tenderly, to keep her calm. "It's not that I don't like this or anything, but..." He stopped short, his breath catching in his throat. "I just...I don't want you to be another one of those hook-ups. You're special to me, Grace. But, I'm a little confused about us," He explained earnestly. "What does this all mean?"

I can't get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful, but you don't even try
Modesty is just so hard to find.

His arms folded across his chest as Grace went on to answer his ridiculously long list of questions. A pain in his heart ached as her voice showed her confidence dropping when she told him that she wanted to be something more...with him. Sam couldn't take hearing this because he'd convinced himself that she was too good for him. She was smart, sexy and everything a guy could ask for...and what was he? Some washed up badass who had an addiction to smoking and drugs? How in the world could she possibly want to be in a relationship with...him!?

And at that moment, Sam knew that he would have to lie to her, as much as he was opposed to it. I just have to let her down gently, He offered, glancing into her eyes while he felt his values and everything that he stood for washing away. "Listen, Grace. And listen closely," He urged, his throat burning from the words that were about to spill from his lips. "I'm sorry, but... I don't have those feelings for you." He gritted his teeth and let his gaze fall from hers and rest on the sandy earth beneath their feet. "I never wanted you that way, and I feel horrible for leading you on." Part of him wanted to protest and explain that he didn't mean any of it, but he swallowed that protest down.

Sam managed to retrieve his gaze to Grace's eyes, but was unable to determine just what her reaction was going to be. Either the element of shock and dismay, or she would just accept that she and he were meant to be friends - and nothing more. Yeah, right. A conclusion to his tedious apology fell from his lips like the leaves from a tree, "I'm sorry. But I just want to be friends, and nothing more. Are you okay with this?" A certain element of sincerity was found in his piercing blue eyes, as if to say, 'I'm being completely honest with you, Grace.' Whoever knew that lying could be so...easy?

I can't get your smile out of my mind
I think about your eyes all the time
You're beautiful, but you don't even try
Modesty is just so hard to find.

Sam was unable to look Grace in the eyes; he couldn't take this bullet to his heart. He had to protect her, and he was fully aware that the only way to do so was to let her down easy, or so he attempted to do. Apparently, she'd taken this as a full blow to the heart, just as he had. Clenching his palms into tight fists, he camouflaged his anger with his own self and tried to shut out Grace's wrenching hysterics.

Unfortunately and fortunately simultaneously, Sam was unable to block out what Grace was saying; he heard everything that spilled from her pursed, sincere lips. All that it summed up to be was that she was in love with him, his complete asshole self, and yet at the same time, she was crushed by this sudden news. When they'd slept together, he'd told her that he loved her and only her, and now he was telling her the complete opposite.

Sam could see where this conversation was leading before Grace ripped her gaze away from his and took off for the opposing end of the beach. Just moments ago, the two had been happily holding one another and their eyes dancing into each other's. "I'm sorry!" He blurted, his voice projecting downwards. It was the only thing he'd had time to say before he glimpsed the ever-so-familiar blonde hair whisking farther and farther away in the starry night sky.

Sam conversed aloud rather quickly and decided to head home. He didn't much feel like walking on the beach anymore. But then again, anything was better than going home to Grace who would most likely throw him out on the street. His fickle mind allowed him to aloof his decision and come home later when she would be sound asleep; that way, he could sneak through the door unheard and unseen. Turning his back on the abruptly fast, but incredibly drastic scene of his life and headed towards the Boca Raton Lighthouse, hoping to find the answers to exactly who he was and what the fuck he'd just done to not only himself, but his first and only true love.